I am NOT a statistic.

Today I am grateful to be a mom.

A young mom.

Yes, I realize I look about 12 years old in this picture.

I was 19 when I got pregnant with my son. I was 20 when he was born. I'll never forget my 20th birthday. One of my best girlfriends called me up and said "Yay! You're not a statistic!"

Thats right. Having my son at 20 completely negates the fact that I was actually pregnant in my teen years. I wasn't a teen mom, so I didn't have a teen pregnancy. No statistics here, nothing to see, move along.

But I was young. Some will say too young. Actually ALOT of people say too young. Wanna be judged faster than a hooker selling herself on a street corner for crack? Drop out of college to have a baby.

The fun part is most people either think I am not smart enough to realize they are judging me (after all I did get knocked up at 19) or are not aware just how judgemental they're being. I used to love it when I would hear what the mom's of other girls I went to school with would say. My favorite? "Didn't Alana have a kid?" No, No I didn't.

Are you my Mom?

A KID is a fucking baby goat. While adorable, I gave birth to a baby. Alana had a baby.

And even though people tend to be a bit more judgy when you're actually pregnant (its harder to be rude when you have to look a cute baby in the face), I still find it amazing when it still happens. Just little things. Maybe I am overly sensitive but sometime I just want to tell people to mind their own business.

Do I have an example? Of course I do. Why just today at the grocery I saw a mom of a couple girls that I happened to go to high school with. The conversation starts off great. "oh are they yours?" "Obviously Why yes! They are!" and then progresses, of course, to "How old are they?" to which I reply "He just turned four and she just turned 3." and she says the same damn thing everyone else says "Wow, you are busy!"

Why yes. yes I am.

 This is all harmless "mom" talk that happens everytime you ever see anyone in a small town. But the best is still to come! She says "You're what? 23?" she actually asked me twice because my first response was "excuse me?" She apparently thought I hadn't heard her. "No, I'm 24."

Thats right I'm 24 and have a four year old. and a three year old. I am also married and own my own house. But nobody ever cares about that part. Or that my husband is actually almost 29 and HAS his degree. We're just moving according to his age timeline. The sacrifices I make.

AND you know what? I am HAPPY that I had my children when I did. I was perfectly healthy. Actually prime baby making age (but of course not "socially acceptable" baby making age). There was little to no chance of having a high risk pregnancy or having a child with a medical defect because I waited until I was 40.

And if you chose to wait until you were 40? Good for you. But I have a question to ask? HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU DO IT? Because I am tired. and I feel so much more rested now than I did with an infant. I was exhausted. all the time. A typical side effect of children I'm told.

You look like this. Except I was hotter.

 I was 20 and tired. I don't even want to think about being 40 and that tired. And I wont be. Because when I'm 40 my children will be 20 and 19. Yes there will be other things to worry about. Helping them go potty at three in the morning will hopefully not be one of them. They will be living their life. Maybe in college. Maybe not. I will be sitting on a beach somewhere its quiet ALL THE TIME. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm grateful I was young enough to handle having babies 13 months apart with about as much ease as you can. I was capable of carrying my older child and my infant car seat at the same time. And when my daughter graduated out of her carrier seat I was capable of carrying both of my children at the same time. (I'm also extremely grateful I have TWO arms.)

I could be up with them all night and run around with them all day. 

Plus we listen to awesome music.

And have popcorn for breakfast.

And it's hard to tell which one of us was more excited to meet Mickey Mouse.

Do I think I would be exactly the same way if I had waited until I was older to have children. Most likely. But if people are going to judge you for being a young mom you might has well have fun with it. Only at 23 can you get away with giving your kids popcorn for breakfast. People just think you don't know any better. When you're a fun mom at 40 people just accuse you of being a bad mom.

OMG! I can't believe you sent Brey to school with a snack that wasn't organic!!

I think the biggest judgement that young mom's face is the idea that they are "giving" up something.

"Wow. Her life is over."

"She'll never accomplish anything now."

"It's too bad. She had so much potential."

Yea, potential to keep trying to figure out what the hell to do with my life. I give props to those kids out there who know exactly what the hell they want to do with their life at 18. I didnt have a freaking clue. But I kept taking out an ass load of student loans to go flunk take a bunch of classes that I hated. Why? Because that's what it felt like I was suppose to do. And then I met The Marsh. and at that point I still didn't have a freaking clue what I wanted out of life. I just knew it was going to include him.

And then I got pregnant.

And then I met my Son, Brey.

.



And then I was a MOM. and that's exactly what I was suppose to do.

So I did it again.

And met my daughter, Georgiana.

And as long as nothing tragic happens I'll be a mom for a very long time. You see, the most wonderful thing about being 20 when you become a mom is that you still have so much life left to give. I'll be there to see my kids graduate from high school. college. I'll be there to see them fall in love and get married. Maybe they'll have children themselves. I'll live to see my grandchildren get married and have children. And I could never for one single second regret any decision that gave me such a precious gift.

So today I am grateful for all this red-headed cuteness. I'm grateful that even though I don't have a degree or I'm not living my life like all of the the ladies from SATC (although I wouldn't mind some of the shoes) or I'm not living the life I thought I would have, I am living the life I want.

And it's amazing. Would I tell everyone my age to get pregnant? No. It doesn't work for everyone. And I didn't convey in this blog exactly how much The Marsh does to make being a mom at 20 a little easier. I also wouldn't tell every newleywed to run out and get pregnant as fast as you can either. Some days I wish that The Marsh and I had more time as just the two of us. It's such a special time. and I wouldn't rush it. I remind myself that The Marsh and I will have plenty of time as just the two of us again when my kids are grown up.

Because I'll only be 40. See how that all comes around?

Thanks for reading!

Lana