Sliding Doors.

Today I am grateful sliding doors.

figuratively.

not literally.

you see, Sliding Doors is a movie with Gweneth Paltrow from the late 90s. It's about a woman who gets fired and then goes to take the train home. One half of the movie plays around the events in her life based on if she makes the train that day. the other half the of the movie is based on her missing the train. i guess it's about fate. things happening for whatever reason.

sometimes fate really sucks.

and sometimes fate is kind to you.

Fate has been really kind to me. Sometimes when I see things happening in other people's lives that are horrible i feel like i need to start walking on egg shells around fate. i get scared that maybe she does have my number, she just hasn't found me yet. Other times i remind myself there isn't anything i can do about it either way so i need to stop worrying and just enjoy this beautiful life i've been given.

although it is scary to think about how such a small thing can change your whole life. in the movie it was the sliding doors stopping her from getting on the train, i can't even begin to pin point that moment that could have changed everything for me, i don't even want to think about it.

So i guess I just want to be grateful for my own sliding doors. and this life they've led me to.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Journey.

Today I am grateful for the last two days.

My husband and my mother are completely amazing and have made my birthday weekend just awesome.

Last night The Marsh took me to see Loverboy, Pat Benetar, and Journey in concert.

I know. It's okay, you can be jealous.

It was fucking amazing.

I've been in love with Journey for as long as I can remember. and before I married The Marsh I was 95% sure that I was going to track down Steve Perry (the former front man of Journey) and force him to marry me. When I heard on the radio back in the spring time that Journey was coming around here the day after my birthday I knew I needed to get tickets. The Marsh agreed it would be the perfect birthday present and agreed to buy them for me.

The concert totally rocked. Loverboy and Pat Benetar were still so good live. and I have to give the new kid that fronts Journey now credit, he can definately sing. so even though it was an outdoor event and it was raining, The Marsh and I still had a great time and I'm so glad we went.

Today my momma and I spent the day together and she taught me how to gamble :0)

at 25 I still had never been to a casino before because until recently there wasn't one around here. oh and also my husband is completely and totally 100% against gambling. that sort of puts a damper on the whole going to a casino thing as well. but today my mom and I ventured out to one today and had alot of fun. because i'm inept my mother had to help me with the slot machines for awhile before i got the hang of it, but pretty soon i was on a roll. and holy crap, I can tell why there is such thing as gamblers annonymous. once i was in the zone on a good machine that i was winning pretty frequently on, i could have stayed there to play forever. I'm not quite sure The Marsh would have been okay with that though.

After we left the casino we headed south to the major liquor store around these parts and stocked up on some wine. I managed to snag a couple bottles of Root 1 that The Marsh wanted to try because it's his new favorite chilean wine company and my momma bought another bottle of wine for me that looks fantastic. I cannot wait to try it. tomorrow. because after these last two days, i am one tired girl. it must be my new old age.

I'm so grateful to be blessed with such a wonderful and caring family who took the time to make this birthday so incredible. I love you all.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Twenty-Five.

Today is my birthday.

So I guess I am grateful me.

Because, obviously, I am awesome.

and today this girl turned 25.

So i guess I'm also grateful that I made it through the day without any panic attacks or having a complete and total break down about now officially becoming an adult.

thats right. getting married? having babies? buying a house? nope. none of that has made me possibly feel more like an "adult" than turning 25 has.

now don't worry, i'm not going to let my shot glasses collect dust on the shelf or anything here people. and i don't feel like i completely changed over night or anything. it just sounds..grown up.

Hi, I'm Lana and I'm 25.

25.

okay, so maybe not totally without some panic.

but for the most part okay.

I'm also grateful that The Marsh, who completely hates greeting cards, even managed to ungrump himself and get me a card for my birthday. It was beautiful and sweet. and he added the perfect touch of humor to it. so it was basically him in card form. It was just perfect.

Now, because I still have a few more hours until my birthday is over, I am going to pour myself a glass of wine and relax a bit.

Happy Birthday to me!
Lana

DWTS Part 2.

yup.

I'm bringing it back for a part two.

yes I am.

I don't care if it's still lame to be thankful for Dancing with the Stars cause it's still my blog and ALMOST my birthday and I will blog DWTS if I want to.

so what could i possible be grateful for NOW?

caution now, I am about to go all SPOILER ALERT on you.

if you watch the show and want to be suprised about who goes home....turn back now....
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okay.

please tell me I am not the only one eternally grateful that Pamela Anderson got sent home last night?

thank you to everyone who didn't vote for her.

I am grateful to each and everyone one of you tonight.

bless you, sirs. just bless you.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

DWTS.

Today I am grateful for Dancing With The Stars... All Stars.

and maybe you think that's a lame thing to be grateful for.

but this is my blog, so I get to be grateful for whatever I want.

and I'm gateful for this all-star season.

it's seriously an almost perfectly cast.

with the stars, i mean. not particularly the partners. I'm hoping that might grow on me too.

but for now I am just so excited for this freaking season.

no more crappy dancers (well maybe one or two *cough* pamela anderson *cough*) to have to cringe and cover my eyes through while I'm waiting for my favorites to dance. so many of them actually were my favorites.

actually i think that's the only bad thing about this all star cast, is that I will actually be heart broken to see half of them leave.

but for now I am going to relish this awesomeness going on right now on DWTS.

it's been along time coming.

and in case any gods of reality/washed up/ ex-olympic champion dancers are listening? I would be REALLY grateful is Tony finally got a win.

just saying.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Not A Peep.

Today I am grateful that my little devil was actually an angel.

Little Miss, whom I affectionately call "arch enemy numero uno" can have her moments of devilishness. If the nickname arch nemesis numero uno wasn't sort of a dead give away about that.

but I have to give the girl credit, she can behave in a store when she needs to.

more so when her brother isn't around. he's my little angel normally. but the two of them together are enough to make any mother drink sometimes.

Today my little miss was especially well behaved while The Marsh and I ended up talking to the cell phone salesman at Target for way longer than we intended too.

I kept waiting for her to get cranky and start throwing a fit about standing in one place too long. but she just decided to climb onto the bottom part of the cart and gently rock herself back and forth with her feet, not making a peep. I was incredibly proud of her. especially because it's a conversation about cell phones that has needed to happen for the better part of a year. I was extremely grateful we took the time out of our day to get it done. and I'm grateful that little miss was such an angel and didn't make the trip miserable or cut our conversation short.

What am I not grateful for? That at the last minute The Marsh decided he needed to think about just a couple more things before getting me the pretty white samsung galexy S II that was staring me in the face.

I am grateful though, that he is even considering it. baby steps.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Vagabond Cowboys.

Today I am grateful that The Marsh is home.

finally.

I was starting to feel like one of those woman who only sees their husbands whenever they're passing through town. only around when the wind blows them in.

I can assure you, people, I did not sign up to marry a vagabond cowboy.

But lately The Marsh has been gone more than he has been home.

He worked late at his adult education job on wednesday.

He worked a double on thursday.

we both worked on friday.

he worked another double on saturday.

and this morning he was up and out of the house by 6:45 am to be off to work again, dragging his tail home a little after 5:00 pm.

It's been a long week.

I missed him.

the babes missed him.

although when they asked why Daddy was working late, I explained it was so that he could make money for us to go to Disney World. They seemed to be much more understanding about his absence after that.

We all curled up on the couch after dinner tonight to watch a movie, and I was and am extremely grateful to be feeling like a family unit again. The kids are also grateful to have him back too, as he is currently in reading them their bedtime story and they don't have to listen to me two nights in a row. because for some reason they find my storytelling subpar compared to their father's...

Anyway. I'm just grateful he's home. I'm grateful this upcoming week won't be quite so bad because my birthday is coming up on thursday and we've got plans on thursday and friday night together.

and I'm grateful that at least for now I can stop feeling like I am just married to that gentleman who occasionally passes through.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Luke and Leia in the Hizouse!

Today I am grateful we got our halloween costumes in the mail!

Yay!

Halloween is kind of a big deal around these parts.

I love halloween.

My whole family loves halloween.

and of course, this year The Marsh and I are taking the kids to Disney World for the Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party.

My sister-in-law and I may be even more excited about this than the babies are, but it's a close call.

and if you didn't guess from the title of the blog today, Mr. Breyman is going a Luke Skywalker and Miss G is going as Princess Leia.

and they look sooo stinkin' cute! I let them try on their costumes real quick before bedtime and they were just adorable. the costumes are a little big, but nothing that we can't really fix with a couple pins. Luckily, both costumes have belts that tie in that back and it does a great job sinching in the waists more than a little.

Mine came in the mail too...for the big halloween party my family is throwing i plan on being Wile E Coyote (The Marsh is going to be an anvil..are we awesome or what?) but for the party in Disney I am actually going as an Ewok to continue the Star Wars theme with the babes. I haven't tried on my costume yet, but I had pizza for dinner so I'm going to give it a day or so just in case.

I'm so grateful the costumes came in today. we're getting super pumped about our trip, but little things like this help it feel more real. and of course, it's a great reminder that halloween is coming!

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Lunch Date.

Today I am grateful for a lunch date.

If you hadn't noticed by now..family is sort of important to me.

I grew up in a pretty tight nit family and we still try to remain that way to a point.

I'm also trying to raise my children in a similar environment.

It really is okay to be friends with your kids..or your parents..or your siblings..no matter what some quack shrink has to say about setting boundaries and such.

I say boo to that. My children know that I am their mother and that my word is Law. That doesn't mean that I shouldn't be prepared for the fact that they may break that law some day. or that I shouldn't love them because of that.

anyway.

The point? family is family. and I'm not getting all "blood is thicker than water" here. family to me is who you choose to be family with. My parents have "adopted" several people into our family, blood or no. and being a parent biologically certainly doesn't make you a mom or a dad. In my family we understand that. Family are the people that you love and care about above all others. and I'm so grateful to have mine.

and my mom? she's kind of a big deal. (no, that wasn't a fat joke.)

She's amazing. and i love her to pieces. and because I originally thought I would be spending the night with The Marsh sans kiddos until he got ordered to work late, I called up my mom after Brey got on the bus and asked her if she wanted to have lunch with Miss G and I. and while Georgie and I were in the car on the way into town she asked me "momma, why are we having lunch with Mimi?" and I told her the truth. Because Mimi is my mom. because I lover her and she is one of my best friends. G though that was really funny. but when I asked Georgie if she would always be my friend? Of course she said yes.

and then I started thinking abot how in the Lion King, Simba asked Mufasa if they'll always be pals and made myself sad. but georgie being a ham in the backseat cheered me up quickly.

anyway, the point of all of this is to just say that I am grateful that I had lunch with my mom today. I'm grateful that at almost 25 years old,  my mom is still one of my best friends and I cannot see that changing anytime soon. I'm grateful that I have this relationship with her that I can just call her up and say "hey, wanna go get some Subway?" It doesn't have to be fancy or even a super long lunch date. today we just squeaked one in on her lunch break at work, but it was just nice to be able to have a few minutes with my mom to talk about life.

Of course, as mentioned earlier, The Marsh did get ordered to work late tonight, so I ended up getting plenty of time with my mom tonight as we enjoyed some wine and spent some time in her hot tub, but I'm still grateful for the lunch date today anyway.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Babes.

Today I am grateful for my babes.

Everyday I am grateful for my babes.

I'm grateful that even though I got pregnant when I was 19, I had the ability to get pregnant. and have healthy and relatively risk free pregnancies.

I'm grateful there was no heartache and pain from continuously trying. I'm grateful I never had to spend months or years coping with not being able to have the one thing I want more than anything. which in some people's cases..is children.

I'm grateful that (god willing) I'll never have to go through the heartache of having my babes taken away from me. They are mine. and The Marsh's. we made them. we created them. and nothing will ever take them away from me.

I'm grateful everyday that I get to look at these two children that my husband and I created together and hug them goodnight. and laugh at their silly dancing. and kiss each and every boo boo. and be exasperated with them. and use them as an excuse to ride the dumbo ride at disney. and just watch them discover everything they possibly can in this world.

I am so grateful.

because it seems now more than ever, that this world has just become so unfair.

I don't know if it's just becoming more frequent or if it's because we live in a world where "airing dirty laundry" isn't quite as frowned upon, but it just seems like infertility has just become this huge problem. I have more than one friend affected by it. and my heart justs breaks for them. because infertility doesn't just break your heart once, it breaks your heart over and over and over again.

It just makes me so grateful that for whatever reason The Marsh and I never experienced anything along those lines. and I'm so grateful for this amazing life that we have been blessed with. and I am so grateful for my babes.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

The Plague.

Today I am grateful that I am not sick.

(knock on wood)

yet, at least.

So many of my co-workers have come down with the plague right now. or some other horrible disease that spreads quickly in closed in spaces.

They have this gross nasty cough.

and body aches.

and headaches.

and just...stuff coming out of every which where.

EWWWWWWW.

JUST STOP.

I told anyone who even so much as breathed in the same room as me today that if they got me sick I would kick their asses. I don't generally get sick when it goes around the office, so i'm seriously hoping it skips me again.

and so I am grateful to NOT be sick. and not be experiences that particular brand of horrificness right now. and I'm also grateful that at the moment i'm not going to be fired for kicking anyone's ass. that's always a plus too.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

LAME MOM SKILLS ARE LAME.

Today I am grateful that I managed to remember something just in time.

with The Marsh home from work today, my whole get Brey to school routine was completely thrown off.

I normally get him breakfast, let him play his Star Wars Legos game for awhile, then bathe him, then make him lunch, get his backpack and snack ready while he's eating lunch, then finish getting him dressed after he eats so as to not make a mess of his shirt.

I'm not normally a "strong" routine person. i don't have to do the same thing everyday to get stuff done. but it's certainly been helping with such a huge change up to our day with the breyman in school. obviously i didn't realize how important until today.

you see The Marsh made him breakfast, we both helped get him into the bath, The Marsh made lunch, and then I made sure his folder was in his backpack and got him dressed while Georgie and I talked about what we were going to do this afternoon while Brey was in school.

After getting Mr. Brey on the bus, The Marsh and I headed into town to hit up iparty and see what their costume selection looked like and also to get some more bagels at sams club.

so of course it wasn't until we were sufficiently away from Breyman and his school that I stopped dead in my tracks at iparty and looked at The Marsh with this completely horrified expression on my face.

I never put a snack in Brey's backpack.

WORST MOM EVER.

I almost stroked out right there. we still had an hour before Brey's snack time at 2:00, so we finished up quickly at iparty and then headed over to Sams Club to get bagels and see what we could find to bring Brey for a snack. A box of mini muffins is what we ended up going with, which works out because Brey is a huge fan of muffins.

so then we all climbed back in the car to get back to the school and drop off the snack. and of course we ended up behind the SLOWEST. DRIVER. EVER.

we managed to get there right as they were starting snack time. when I opened the door to the classroom i didn't even have to say anything, his teacher said "you must be here with Brey's snack!" because they already had looked in his backpack and couldn't find one. LAME!

I'm so grateful I remembered in time. I would have literally felt like the worst mom in the whole world if he hadn't ended up with a snack today. and i know it was just a mistake, an accident on my part, but the kid is completely dependent on me! I'm sure he wouldn't have understood why he didn't get a snack, he just wouldn't have had one.

it makes me sad to think about how close it came to actually happening.

so i will say again, I'm SOO GRATEFUL I REMEMBERED IN TIME.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Slow and Steady.

Today I am grateful to the Maine Greyhound Placement Services Center.

weird, right?

I know. This blog is getting stranger every day.

but I actually do have a really great reason for being grateful for it.

you see The Marsh doesn't like dogs. like at all. he's never had one, never cared to have one. he is without a doubt a cat person. or he WAS until i got a cat. and now he hates that cat too. but i digress...the point? keep your dogs away from The Marsh. he doesn't find them cute or cuddly or endearing. he finds them slobbery and loud.

but today as a part of The Marsh's job, he found himself supervising a group of people volunteering at The Maine Greyhound Placement Services Center.

and you know what? according to The Marsh, it didn't suck.

baby steps, people.

he's been at other shelters before with groups of volunteers...and he was always that guy that managed to step in dog poo. it sort of just reinforced that whole "dogs are evil" mentality that he walks around with.

but the greyhounds? somehow they managed to make mr. grinch's heart grow three sizes today. i don't know why i never thought about it before. they are incredibly docile, don't make any noise, and you almost always adopt them after they have retired from racing...so no puppies. and i'm not saying The Marsh and I are going to run out and adopt a greyhound or anything. i'm just saying it was nice to see him be positive about a dog experience for once.

I've always been a dog person. i wanted dogs, not babes. see how that worked out for me? but I knew marrying The Marsh the possibility of having a dog again some day may not ever happen. but i loved him enough to deal with that. I mean who throws away the love of your life for a future pet? i suppose some people might, but not me. but after having a nice conversation with The Marsh tonight...the possibility doesn't seem quite so remote. it might not happen this year. or next. hell it might not even happen for the next five years. but i'm grateful to at least have this feeling that there is even a chance at all. that sometime i may once again find myself a dog owner.

so i'm not going to push this on him. make him revert or shut down these new "pro-dog" feelings, but i'll keep it in the back of my mind just waiting for the right moment.

slow and steady wins the race.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Every Penny Counts.

Today I am grateful that my husband is working overtime.

or i am telling myself that i am grateful that my husband is working overtime, hoping that if i say it to myself enough, i may actually start to believe it.

maybe.

this is me TRYING to be positive.

obviously. i'm writing a blog about trying to be grateful...so i'm constatly trying to see the positive in life lately.

and let me tell you, sometimes it ain't easy. sometimes it's down right hard.

On fridays, The Marsh and I always car pool together to work...it used to cause problems when The Marsh got ordered in to work a double, but it's literally been years since the last time that he got ordered, so i haven't worried much about it lately.

that's apparently when God decided I had gotten too comfortable.

The Marsh called me about 15 minutes before he normally picks me up from work to let me know he had been ordered and  would be up to get me, but then I had to drop him back off at work until midnight. (which he didn't even end up doing, our good friend Warren picked me up and brought me back to The Marsh's work so i could get the car, meaning i didn't even get a chance to see my husband.)

fun.

and it also means that when I have to pick him up at midnight, i have to drag my babes to his work with me. AT MIDNIGHT.

double fun.

so i was thinking to myself (like you do) "Alana, how can we turn this suckfest of an event into something positive?" and then i thought to myself.."well, he IS getting paid time and a half."

i suppose overtime isn't quite so bad when you know that you're getting paid more for it. and with our trip to florida coming up next month, every penny counts right?

and to be fair, i am completely used to The Marsh working overtime. he picks up extra shifts all the time. but it's a little different when he chooses them, not when he's ORDERED to them.

so tonight i'll just drink a cup of coffee and wait to go get my husband. and my kids will think i'm the coolest mom ever for not enforcing any type of bed time. PLUS i'm pretty sure being up so late will cause my babes to sleep in tomorrow morning.

double score for me! who wouldn't be grateful for an extra half hour of sleep on a saturday morning? i know i will be.

hopefully.

 maybe.

please?

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Sidekick.

Today I am grateful for my super awesome shopping side kick.

Miss arch nemesis numero uno.

a.k.a.  Little Miss G.

Isn't she adorable?

the correct answer is yes.

and now that Mr. Breyman is going to school every afternoon, its just her and i trying to work out this whole "mom and daughter" quality time thing. i think it's going well so far. but it's still early.

Today I knew i wanted to head out shopping a bit because the season is changing and i needed a few new work outfits. Miss G is becoming quite the diva, so instead of waiting for a moment when i could go shopping alone like i normally do, I looked at G and said " you want to help momma pick out some dresses at the store?" Girl was in heaven.

and she has officially turned into the sassiest little shopper friend ever.

when we were in the dressing room and i was changing into different outfits she was sure to tell me that i looked beautiful. and while my heart melts a little whenever she says that, it's not exactly unusual. The Marsh has done a pretty great job at training both breyman and georgie to tell me that i look pretty. (he's a good guy like that) but then, out of no where, she looks right at me and says "Mom, you look simply fabulous!" I almost died. it was seriously the cutest thing ever. and she said it with kind of attitude that wasn't like "bad" attitude, just pure sass. like she's been watching Tim Gunn behind my back or something. I was waiting for her to bust out his famous "Make it work."

moments like that make me so grateful to have her for a daughter. and while i have no doubt that she was being serious (because hello? i AM simply fabulous) it was also like she knew I would find it funny. i love that at three she is already finding her sense of humor and owning it. it lets me know that on top of all the craziness that comes with being a parent, there will definately always be laughter. i mean, how could they not with a little chica like that in the mix?

so today i am grateful for my new favorite shopping sidekick. and i'm grateful for every single future laught that she will provide.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Return of the Jedi.

Today I am grateful for those perfect moments.

not the "really sweet and romantic" ones.

or the "proud of someone special" moments.

or even those "life is so calm and tranquil right now" moments.

but those "something so freaking hilarious and perfectly timed just happened right in front of me and now i am going to have a heart attack from laughing so hard moments."

oh yea. those are the ones.

and tonight while watching the Return of the Jedi, one just played out in front of me so perfectly, i'm seriously still laughing about it.

you see, The Marsh is not a fan of the new Star Wars episodes 1-3. like at all. so when I bought him the Star Wars movies on blu-ray for his birthday I made sure to only buy him the original trilogy. and like with all older movies being re-released, there are definately alot of updated graphics and such in the movies, but nothing so much that The Marsh was really freaking out about it or anything.

well when we reached the scene where Darth Vader tells Luke to take off his mask, i couldn't help myself... I looked at The Marsh and said "wow, Hayden Christensen, you ain't looking to hott" (hayden christensen being who played Anakin in episodes 1-3) and The Marsh instantly got his pissy face on. that look that says "how dare you even bring up anything that has to do with THOSE movies while i am enjoying the original awesomeness here..but instead he chooses to say out loud "that's not hayden christensen, actually right now he looks more like humpty dumpty" and so we laugh and continue watching going on our merry way.

and then at the very end of the movie when everyone is celebrating with the ewoks and Luke looks over in amazement to see Yoda, Obi Wan, and his father all standing there all ghost like and such...this happens..

I thought The Marsh was literally going to have a stroke. I couldn't help it, i actually started to laugh.
he was just like "WHAT IS HE DOING IN MY MOVIE!!!!"

it was like the fates above had just set up the moment so perfectly. my bringing up hayden not even 10 minutes earlier and then him being edited in. The Marsh was flipping, even went so far as to wonder if they added hayden's name to the credits. and then he couldn't even bring himself to watch to find out.

oh, so priceless.

I live for those moments.

they always remind me exactly why i married The Marsh. because he doesn't care that i basically just laughed my ass off at him. and we both know that he would do the same to me if the situation were reversed. i know he would, so it's all good.

and Star Trek is clearly better anyway.

hehe.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

(ps. sorry for the HUGE pic. it was the only one that i could find right off with a close up and for some reason it wouldn't re-size itself!")

Dub Step.

Right now, in this very moment, I am grateful for the silence that is now happening in my house.

well, The Marsh is playing a video game.

but to be fair, he's playing it quietly.

but earlier.

oh yes earlier.

my house was not so quiet.

you see today The Marsh discovered the dub step station on pandora radio.

at first i noticed a few songs in a row that had it going on, so i asked "did you put pandora on a nightclub station or what?" and he responds with "I'm trying to culturally immerse myself in other types of music..such as dub step" yup. thats my husband, ladies and gentlemen. almost 30 but he's still hip with the kids. and then after the songs keep playing i realize that it is, in fact, a dub step station.

that was at 10:30 this morning.

you know when the dub step stopped playing in our house? at 8:30 pm when I walked over to my kitchen counter and proceeded to rip my ipod of my ihome. my house has sounded like a god damn rave all day. i actually felt like i was on drugs at one point because the noise was just pounding into my head. over. and Over. and OVER.

and the worst part is that it's not that i don't like it, cause i do. i couldn't even walk to my bathroom without busting a groove because the whole thing really is so catchy.

but JEEZ MAN. a girl can only take so much.

so I am very grateful for the silence going on right now. and the lack of dub step happening in my house. actually, i think if i ran into Skrillex right now i would punch him in the face. so i'm grateful he's no where around right now too. i have better things to do than be brought up assault charges.

like pour a freaking glass of wine.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

11 Years Later.

Today I am grateful for reunions.

(oh! I'm also grateful that blogger seems to be working again, because last night i seriously tried to reload it for over an hour before giving up and just not blogging)

anyway.

reunions.

Today my brother and I had a reunion with someone we had not seen in over 11 years. My biological father's ex-wife.

I suppose that statement warrants a little back story.

When I was five, my biological father re-married a woman named Mickey. and she proceeded to be my step-mother for the next 8 years or so. from the time i was in kindergarden until my freshman year in high school. she was a huge part of my life for all of my formative years and she's really the only reason I ever had much of a relationship with my biological father in the first place. heck, half of the time i went to visit him, it just ended up being the two of us hanging out anyway. and on more than one occasion it was more like my brother and i went to visit Mickey because my biological father wasn't around anyway. working or something.

and then they got divorced. and I'll go ahead and say it was more than a little messy. and suddenly this woman who had spent the better part of a decade being a second mom to Jordan (brother) and I was no longer apart of our life anymore. and not only did we lose her, but her parents, and her niece and nephew, and her cousins. people that my brother and i had grown up with and considered family. poof! gone. thanks for playing. it was fun, but now it's over.

and as we all know...time goes on.

and as time went on and social media began to take over...i began to wonder. where was Mickey? was she okay? did she miss us? On facebook my brother and i had actually managed to friend some of the kids that we grew up with and eventually Mickey's mom friended us too. and at that point I had to ask her..."do you know how I can get in touch with Mickey?" and so she ended up helping me get in touch with her. actually, unbeknownst to me, my brother was actually already in touch with her, but he hadn't said anything to me in case it wasn't something i wanted to pursue. but we all managed to get in touch again and I tried to catch her up on everything that had happened in my life over the years through various emails.

that was back in 2009.

and we kept talking about the idea of getting together, but life just happens you know? around that time Georgiana was just a baby, and Brey not much more than that. The Marsh and I were getting ready to try and buy a house. We found out Bob had pulmonary fibrosis. we moved into said house. the babes keep life so busy and there were trips to plan and places to go. I was training all last summer for my half marathon. and then we found out Bob had cancer.

life's been crazy, right?

finally though, we managed to get together.

this morning Mickey drove up from her house a couple hours away and met my brother and i to get some breakfast at the local diner. and sure, i was nervous. and so was my brother. i mean, this was someone we hadn't seen in 11 years. that's bound to be a little awkward, right? well, it actually really wasn't. she talked to us a bit about the divorce and how the whole thing went down. and she got a good laugh when we told her some of the silly/horrible stories about life since her. honestly, if felt like we hadn't seen her in a couple months rather than 11 years. talking to her was so much like talking to her growing up. she's fundamentally the same person. and that was just an amazing thing to discover.

so today I am grateful that we finally all managed to get together.

I'm grateful that we all took a chance and weren't too scared instead to just say "well it's been too long, there is no point in seeing each other now"

and I'm grateful that there is now this potential to have a relationship with someone who meant so much to me once upon a time and who still does.

it's a thing to be grateful for indeed.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Mr. President.

Today I am grateful for Barack Obama.

I am grateful that he is the President of our United States.

I am grateful for the wonderful things that he has done in his presidency.

ending the war in Iraq.

giving the order to kill Bin Laden.

the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell.

I'm grateful for everything he hopes for America in the future.

affordable student loans and lower interests rates.

health insurance that the lower middle class can actually pay for.

women having the right and freedom over their own bodies and health care.

american citizens having the right to marry whomever they choose. gay or straight.

I'm grateful that when I listen to my President speak, he inspires me.

He makes me want to believe in America when there are days I seriously have my doubts.

He brings tears to my eyes when he talks about the future of our children, because it's my children's future he is talking about. and I want everything for them.

and I'm grateful that after his amazing speech at the Democratic National Convention last night, that just maybe people who were on the fence have decided that they are going to vote for him to.

I spent most of my formative years with a President who didn't inspire me (or the Nation) at all. So now I will be SO grateful if I could get four more years with one who does.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Dementors.

Today I am grateful that I am not a dementor.

If you don't know what that is I am excusing you from this blog.

because clearly we can no longer be friends.

Dementors.

They are from the wonderful universe of Harry Potter.

and they are the keepers of Azkaban. The wizarding prison.

and are defined as such:

"Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them... Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself...soulless and evil. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life."

peachy right?

but dementors aren't real, you say? How can I be grateful for not being a dementor when it's clearly a mythical being? and really? can anyone possibly really be that awful?

I'm telling you now. They can.

Have you ever just met someone who is completely capable of ruining your day without even doing anything at all?

don't lie, i'm sure everyone knows at least one person like that.

either a family member.

a friend of a friend.

a co-worker.

someone who is so negative all the time that they suck the very happiness out of you whenever you are around them. they bring down everyone they interact with. it would almost be considered a super power if it wasn't so spectacularly horrifying. you dread seeing this person. this person actually gives you anxiety when you are not around them because you just can't help thinking about what stupid or insulting or rude thing this person may or may not say to you the next time you see them. they are simply evil.

just like a dementor.

but there is one redeeming quality that these dementor-like people do have going for them. they make they rest of us extemely grateful to NOT be like them. they make us want to be better. they make us want to see the positive side in some things. they make us want to never reach that level of bitchidom because you know first hand just how much you have to literally hold yourself back so that you don't reach out and cuff a bitch upside the head. they make us never want to have anyone look at us and think "wow, you remind me of a dementor!" and I am grateful that at this point in my life, I don't believe that there is anyone who would quite define me this way.

but i guess anything is possible.

and now that I think about it...that person can sometimes even look like a dementor too...

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Day 1. Pre-K.

Today I am grateful that both Brey and I survived his first day of Pre-K.

YAY!

and it wasn't even really all that hard on me.

okay, so maybe it was.

there were definately a few tears on my part.

none shed by him though. he walked away from me into that school and didn't even look back.

brat.

But he did look ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!

He made it to school and back today just fine.

He says that he had lots of fun. and that he also doesn't remember anything that he did today. i think he does. i think he thinks it's funnier to just not tell me what i want to know.

I just keep looking at these pictures and thinking "how is this even possible?" when did my little baby become old enough to go to school? to ride the BUS?

le sigh.

I'm old. boo.

all this being said, even though I did have a teensy little problem with letting go...I am extremely happy and excited for him to start this new journey in his life. I'm grateful that he has the chance to go to school and meet new friends and learn new things from someone who isn't his mom. I'm grateful for all the fun he is going to have even if  he doesn't know it yet. I am grateful for this whole part of his life that is going to help form who is as a human being, this incredible opportunity he has even though he hasn't quite realized the overall effect that this is going to have on his life.

because today was just Day One.

Day One of soo many many more.

good days.

bad days.

happy days.

sad days.

fun days.

annoying days.

brilliant days.

embaressing days.

they all started today.

I'm grateful that even though today seemed hard at the time...it's probably the easiest it's ever going to get..so I'll just leave it at that. i'm grateful for today.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Panic Attack.

Today I am grateful that I AM NOT PANICKING about my son starting school tomorrow.

I am cool.

I am calm.

I am a rock.

I am an island.

nobody sweating any kind of small or big stuff here.

I certainly don't feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest.

or that i might stroke out at any minute.

Collected. That's absolutely the best word to describe me right now.

I make Chuck Norris look like a little girl.

I've never been more prepared for anything in my life.

Smooth sailing at this house.

First day of school? Ever? pshh. no biggie.

The idea of putting Breyman on a bus with a bunch of other kids with someone i don't know driving and no seatbelts? FUN. I walk on the wild side. I laugh in the face of danger ha ha ha ha...

Ommmmmm OOOMmmmmm

see that? that's me meditating because i'm so god damn serene right now.
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do you believe me?

yea. me either.

but i'm hoping if I keep telling myself all of this that it will miraculously come true. and I would indeed be grateful for that.

wish me luck.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Wedding & Impromtu BBQ.

Woah... Still with me guys?

two days without blogging.

man i suck.

but to be fair, Friday I was just dead to the world..and last night I couldn't have typed if I tried.

but I have two reasons to be grateful today as a way to make up for it.

First I am grateful for my cousin Andrea's wedding,

Weddings are always a reason to be grateful right? They're all about love and positive feelings. Two people are starting a family or combining a family. It's the begining of an amazing journey that's about to take place for two people. it's a celebration of life.

my cousin's wedding was also one heck of a party. they rented out a camp for the weekend and it was just a great time. the venue was beautiful, the food was good, and the bar tender was heavy handed. I can't really think of a more amazing combination that that. plenty to be grateful for all around.

Second, I am grateful for impromtu BBQs.

My beautiful best friend, Kristy, was in town for the weekend before starting nursing scool next week and she texted me this morning about having a coffee date. So after having spent the afternoon together catching up she invited the kids and I to go out to her camp this evening after The Marsh got home from work to enjoy the lake a little bit. We decided it would be a great night for a cook out and when the hubs got home we headed out. The weather was so beautiful, if not just a little bit chilly, but that didn't stop B & G from getting their swimming suits on and jumping in the lake. The Marsh was a trooper and put his swimming trunks on and went into the water with them. I stayed on the porch with the food and the booze having already taken care of my swimming for the year last night at the wedding. (don't ask)

It was a great night with some yummy foods and alot of laughs. the best possible day you could have and the entire thing was done spontaneously. isn't that just the best? i'm telling you it is. so grateful. for the entire weekend just being amazing.

A great way to kick of the month of september, which just happens to be my favorite month of the year.

Thanks for reading!
Lana