Open House.

Today I am grateful that I didn't turn into a crazy mom and cry all over the place while proceeding to grab my child and run the hell out of his school only to never let him return.

but i was tempted.

tonight was Brey Bear's Open House at his elementary school where he'll being going to Pre-K starting next week. EEK!

Of course the teachers had to start the night off all sentimental like by reading a story to the kids about a little raccoon that doesn't want to go to school. and of course, it was heart warming, and sweet, and just a touch sad so I thought i was going to break down into tears right there in the school cafeteria in front of all the other parents.

BUT i remained strong. I kept myself together and didn't humilate my child by said grabbing and running and banning from school in the future.

I, however, make no promises for next week.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Perspective.

Today I am grateful for perspective.

sometimes you have good days.

and sometimes you have bad days.

sometimes things drive you crazy. or piss you off.

but it's all got to mean something, right?

I saw this little gem today.

I grateful for every single one of the things listed here.

well, i don't attend church. so let's swap out off-key singer with loud obnoxious toddler toys and it amounts to the same thing.

and I'm grateful for the perspective i found after reading this list.

and I'll be grateful if even just one of my readers finds a little perspective of their own.

Thanks for reading!

Lana

Tickets Please.

Today I am grateful to be buying my disney world tickets.

squee!

there is something about buying our tickets for disney world that just makes the vacation seem a little more real. like 55 days away real.

man, i'm excited.

i've been saving to buy these tickets for the past couple of months. The Marsh generally takes care of most of our bills and trying to find a place in the budget for the unfortunate price of the tickets can kind of be a pain in the ass. so what it usually comes down to a few months before we need to buy the tickets is, i get put on mama lock down mode.

ebook downloads? nope.

starbucks coffee? don't even think about it.

it's a worthy sacrifice, so i make do. and i always feel a little proud of myself when i can look at The Marsh and telll him i saved enough money to buy the tickets without him having to. just as a constant reminder to him that i AM capable of saving money if i need to. if the cause is worthy.

So tonight I'm grateful that after I finish posting up this blog, i'll be purchasing my park tickets for our upcoming vacation and wishing a little bit that 55 days wasn't so far away. while simultaneously freaking out that our vacation is only 55 days away. jeez. i got stuff to do!

ALSO.

I'm grateful that when I logged on to blogger today I noticed that I have 1999 pageviews.

you guys are just awesome.

and I love you all.

and you know what to do.

TONIGHT WE'RE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999!

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Whipped.

Today I am grateful for whipped cream.

seriously.

as previously established, i'm always grateful for food.

and whipped cream is a food. kind of.

an amazing one.

everything taste better with whipped cream, right?

strawberries? check.

ice cream? check.

coffee? check.

EVERYTHING.

and thanks to Little Miss G telling her papa that she just NEEDED whip cream from the grocery store (that kid really is mine) we now have some in the house again. HOLLA.

I've already had one delicious cup of amazingness coffee.

and i'm holding myself back from getting a bowl of rasberries at the moment and just covering them in whip cream. restraint. i have it. sometimes. mostly. okay so i may totally end up going into my kitchen and getting a bowl of whip cream. err. i mean rasberries.

either way, i'm a happy girl.

and completely grateful for whip cream.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Mad Ninja Skills.

Today I am grateful that i do not have to work tomorrow.

not that I ever have to work on mondays...

but my husband did this fun thing when he got home from work...he set the alarm clock and the said "the alarm is all set for you to work tomorrow"

and then for 3 seconds i had a complete heart attack like "what do you mean I have to work tomorrow. do i? it tomorrow tuesday already? was today monday? what the hell is happening to me? is this the real life? or is this just fantasy?"

yes. i did think all of that in three seconds.

i have kids, i've learned to think like a ninja.

but after those three seconds were up and The Marsh noticed that i was staring at him in absolute horror, he chuckled and said "oh yea, tomorrow is monday, that would have really sucked" as he reached over to shut the alarm clock off again.

he chucked.

he gave me a freaking heart attack and the dude chuckled.

anyway.

i know it seems a bit crazy to get worked up about the idea of going back to work. but The Marsh worked a double yesterday and worked today and i'm just tired. and he's tired. and i knew the kids wanted to go to the park and play and i wanted to get a run in. the idea of all the plans i had made for the night just seemed to crumble before my eyes (also in those three ninja seconds) and I'm just really really grateful that it was just The Marsh having a dumb moment.

Thanks for reading!

Lana

Baby Namaste.

Today I am grateful for Miss G. and all of her adorableness.

is adorableness a word?

well it is now.

I'm grateful for her adorableness.

it's saved her little rear end on more than one occasion.

but sometimes she just takes it to a whole new level.

Have you ever seen a three year old do yoga?

I seriously cannot even BEGIN to describe how freaking cute it is.

and today while I was trying to get a yoga work out in, georgie decided she wanted to do it too. i feel bad because sometimes I get frustrated with her, she tries to climb under me or runs around while i'm in a particularly difficult hold...and i just snap at her. i just want 20 minutes to try and get a work out in. is that really to much to ask? but today right when i was about to get frustrated with her she dropped into one of the positions on the floor and i almost died. she was soo cute. and the thing is, she actually nailed the position. I bet she would be one of those amazing people who can do incredible holds if she starts this young. and maybe she would like to try it. i feel like sometimes i'm discouraging to her about it, and i don't mean to be. I just want a minute to try and fit in my work out too.

but I am grateful today for her and her god damn adorableness for helping me step back and take a minute to realize that maybe i don't need to get frustrated with her when i'm trying to do yoga, maybe i can encourage her to keep trying it instead.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Jorge.

Today I am grateful for Jorge.

pronounced George.

That's my brother :0)



and today is his 27th birthday.

man, is he super old or what? teehee.

But in all seriousness, I'm grateful for my brother today, and hope he has had a wonderful birthday.

My brother and I may not have always seen eye to eye growing up. we had our fair share of rows. a.k.a. we got an in-school suspension for fist fighting in the cafeteria in high school. with each other. BUT we were also laughing about it 15 minutes later. my poor mother. she wasn't laughing at all.

I'm grateful for Jorge (whose name is actually Jordan, but thats kind of boring right? I prefer Jorge) because he makes me laugh. hard. the only person I have ever met that makes me laugh harder than Jordan is The Marsh. true story.

I'm also grateful for Jorge because he's been my brother and my friend literally my entire life. chapter one. page one. line one. It was Jorge and Lana. oh sure, we have other siblings and we love them dearly, but they came later. it started out as Jorge and I. that's the way it's been my whole life.

I'm grateful to Jorge because he's a wonderful uncle to the babes. he saved my life earlier this week when my gas light was on in my car and I didn't have my purse on me. oh and he still speaks to me even though i referred to one of his ex-girlfriends as "The Walrus" for the better part of a year. while they were still dating....little sisters, right?

anyway. I hope my brother knows just how much he means to me and how seriously grateful I am to have such a great big bro like him. Happy Birthday, Dude. I love you.

Thanks for reading!
Lana



Motivation.

Today I am grateful for motivation.

Last summer, I kicked my own ass in order to run a half marathon.

it was exhausting. and at one point i thought cutting off my leg would actually help it hurt less, but i sucked it up and did it. i was also doing a lot of yoga in order to cross train on my off days from running.

and while i wasn't a super skinny super model or anything, i was in decent shape.

then, after my marathon, i decided to give myself a little break.

my body hurt.

my legs hurt.

I kept up running here and there, but nothing like i was doing last summer.

and then I noticed that my pants weren't fitting quite as nicely anymore. and saw a picture of myself sitting down.

my little break needed to be over like two months ago.

but, i'm finally feeling motivated again, and so i'm grateful for that.

right now i have no immediate race plans, so i don't think i'll be working out on such a grueling level, but i have planned out a running and yoga regiment for at least the next 30 days to get back into the feels of things.

I'm grateful this bout of motivation came when it did, i would hate to think what i would look like if i let it go even a couple more months.

I don't even want to think about it.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Creepy Crawly Part Seriousy I Don't Even Think Any Of Us Are Keeping Count Anymore, Do You?

I've mentioned that I live in the woods before, right?

Trees. They're everywhere.

AND 98% of me is totally okay with that.

I don't like people very much, so this seclusion thing sort of works for me.

but THE BUGS. They're also everywhere.

and this dry heat is bringing our the spiders like woah. my basement looks like the set of Arachnophobia. and everytime I walk outside I get that awful gross feeling of steping through a spider web. yuk.

so far, however, i have been dealing with all of this fairly well.

and then today happened.

It started out simply enough, my brother called and asked if I could give him a ride home from work. no biggie. I got the babes outside and into the car. I noticed there were some spider webs around the side mirrors but didn't see any spiders. so i got into my vehicle, rolled the windows down, and started to head out. Then my daughters says "Look, Mom, a spider!" i freaked out a little, not knowing where it was, but turns out it was okay because the spider was hanging outside the passenger window. I knew it would fall off once I picked up speed, but I rolled up my daughter's window in the back so it didn't blow in onto her.

if only i knew the chain of events I just set into motion..

My son, Brey, apparently thought that because I rolled up G's window, there was a chance that the spider could somehow ninja it's way over to his window, so he rolled his up. meanwhile, unbeknownst to us, a hornet had made it's way into the car. and flew right at brey's window. which was now rolled up.

so while I am driving down the road at 35 mph...all of a sudden i hear the horrible blood curling scream and my son is undoing his seat belt and hurling himself into the front seat of my car. i still had no idea what so going on, but then G started screaming and crying too. that's when i noticed the hornet. in hind site, i could have just opened the window, but my brain wasn't working, i think it was in shock. so i stopped the car (right in the middle of the road, the other positive aspect of living in the boonies) jumped out of the driver's side and ripped open the back door in order to let the hornet out. all while screaming not so very nice words. then i had to calm down my hysterical children and get brey re-strapped into his car seat.

i think the whole incident added 10 years to my life.

So, what am I grateful for in all of this? Well, I'm grateful that there wasn't any other vehicles around. because we seriously could have caused an accident. I'm grateful that with all the screaming and flailing that noboady managed to get stung, becuase that just would have made everything that much worse. and i'm grateful that the fucking spider that started the whole thing was on the outside of the car. because i don't think my brain was capable of handling both the spider and the hornet on the same day. let alone the same car ride.

creepy crawly indeed.

Thanks for readinG!
Lana

Benign.

Today I am grateful for good news.

finally.

High five, Universe, for being super cool for once.

My sister, whom I had previously mentioned was possibly having some medical issues finally got some test results back yesterday.

I haven't gone into a whole lot of detail on here, but now that we sort of know what's going on, I'll say that she had some questionable lumps in her chest. and last week she had a biopsy done to see if said lumps (bumps? tumors?) were cancerous.

it was a nerve racking 6 days waiting for the results. she's only 25. i understand that getting the news you have cancer is devastating at any age, but seriously? 25? and she has a three year old daughter. the whole ordeal was completely horrid.

but like I said, good news. she got the phone call yesterday, that the lumps bumps tumors whatever the hell the actually are...are not cancer.

holla!

they're still going to go ahead and take them out, to rule out any future incidents, but for now everything is looking really positive.

thank goodness. i'm so grateful for that.

we may not always see eye to eye on everything, but she's my sister, you know? I couldn't even begin to imagine her not being there.

double high five, Universe!

oh yea....

my mom has a slipped disk....

damn it.

 fuck you, Universe! but only just a little.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Peter Pan and Tinkerbell.

Today I am grateful for the few precious moments right before you fall asleep.

of course when I say "few" that can actually range from about a half hour or so to several hours.

But to me, it's all the same really.

It's a quiet, peaceful time. where no one else in my house speaks to me.

the kids are sleeping, The Marsh is sleeping.

it's beautiful, really.

I usually take those moments to read without being interrupted. get completely lost in a story without having to keep part of myself focused on the present. to just get completely immersed.

that may sound silly to you, but after a long day of toddlers and cleaning and life, sometimes a story before bed is exactly the best medicine. who says bedtime stories have to stop simply because we grow up anyway?

and it's where Tinkerbell waits for Peter Pan too, right? That moment between being awake and dreaming, thats where she'll always be? I'm obviously not the only one who knows how special a place that can be.

anyhow, I don't only use the time to read.

I think about what i hope to accomplish with my life. (basic stuff. nothing too dramatic. life altering thinking is saved for the shower)

I think about how I might like to decorate the house someday. what i might like to get The Marsh for Christmas or how I'm going to make my halloween costume. just fun, lovely thoughts that I don't always have time for during the busy day.

I never really realized how important these moments had become to me until I started wishing my day away, just so that I could lay down and read an enjoy the quiet. it's a strange sort of addiction, i guess. and just like any addiction, not quite healthy. oh sure, it's easy to say there is nothing harmless about wanting to head to bed and slow down. but i don't want to spend my life wishing away the days either.

le sigh. my life. it's a battlefield, I tell ya.

Even though I have no desire to spend my days wishing my life away, I still enjoy everything about that quiet time. it's why when I plan on going to sleep in a few minutes I usually end up awake for hours. I relish the moment just a little too much. It ranks right above driving in the car alone with your favorite song on the radio and right below...um. well. let's just say it's certainly not the GREATEST thing in life. but close.

Tonight I'm grateful because with the babes and bed and The Marsh working a double, I managed to sneak in a couple extra hours more than usual. and hey, for something i love so much? I'm definately grateful for that.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Movie. Books. Park.

Today I am grateful for an awesome day.

My sister and my niece are up for the weekend and we decided last night that we wanted to do something fun with them today. We decided that going to the park sounded like an excellent plan and let the kids know last night what we would be doing today.

and then we woke up this morning to the sound of down pouring rain.

that sort of crippled the plan of heading off to the park.

So after a quick online search i discovered that Ice Age: Continental Drift was still playing in the movie theaters. after giving myself the pep talk of the century i determined that between my sister and i we should be able to wrangle the babes and get them to behave and sit through a movie. they actually did very well, only one bathroom break and all three went at once. much better than the last time The Marsh and I took the babes and they took 3 bathroom breaks. A PIECE.

after the movie the sky was still just a tad gloomy so we headed over to Barnes and Noble. $35.00 later i am unsure if it was the wisest decision. but brey got an awsome Transformers book and G got a new princess pop up book. I also grabbed another disney book, this time Cinderella. The Marsh and I have slowly been buiding up a collection of these particular books so it was nice to grab another one. I also managed to get a nice hard copy version of King Arthur and His Mighty Knights. I'm so stoked to be able to start reading the King Arthur stories to the kids. probably more excited than they are. but I like to think it will grow on them.

After leaving Barnes and Noble, the sky was absolutely beautiful. Blue and Sunny. It seemed that we were going to get our chance to go to the park after all.

The kids had such a great day, and even though they have great days often, I always like to appreciate the fact that I am able to give them great days. I'm grateful that I don't work all the time and can take the to the movies on a whim. I'm also grateful that (for the most part) I wasn't completely crazy about the cost of taking them to the movies and book store. and I'm grateful that we live in a nice town that has a little park that the kids can play at without me overly worrying about something happening to them. I'm grateful to give them this life that is fun and carefree.

We also had tuna noodle casserole for dinner. so I am just generally grateful for that at the moment too.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Merlot. or Pinot Noir?

Today I am grateful for wine.

actually, I'm pretty grateful for wine most days.

but today isn't "most days"

Today my sister was waiting to hear back from the doctor's office about some pretty significant information.

I'm going to hold off on saying more until I know for sure, but I did mention in my blog a few months ago that she had a recent health scare. and it's back.

so now we're just waiting on the test results.

which she was suppose to get today. but didn't.

so she came up to my house for the weekend to be grateful for wine with me.

because when life seems so crazy, that there is absolutely nothing left to be grateful for...there is always wine.

and that is ALWAYS something to be grateful for.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

PICC Line.

Today I am grateful that my father-in-law had his PICC line removed.

If you're not exactly sure what a picc line is, the definition is as follows:

A PICC line is, by definition and per its acronym, a peripherally inserted central catheter. It is long, slender, small, flexible tube that is inserted into a peripheral vein, typically in the upper arm, and advanced until the catheter tip terminates in a large vein in the chest near the heart to obtain intravenous access.

Yum, right?

He has had a picc line in since just about the time he started chemo at the beginning of the year. it makes having repeated intravenous medications so much easier because he doesn't have to get stuck by a needle everytime he needs something. and while it certainly makes taking all of his treatments more convenient, blech right? I wouldn't want something attached to me 24/7. It's itchy. it has to constantly be covered with gauze and he's been to the hospital before with chest pain, but you know, it was just his picc line moving around. IN HIS CHEST. double blech.

a few weeks ago the doctors decided that Bob (my father-in-law) will be taking a break from chemo for awhile. it's basically done all its going to do for now, so over the next few months the guy doesn't have to be poked or proded or completely sick from all the drugs injected into him. he just gets to be himself.

and yesterday the doctors were kind enough to take his picc line out.

it just seems like such a postitive step, you know. that he's reached a point where he gets to let his body build back up his strength again. that his body gets to be his own again. no more crazy tubes. he also starts physical therapy next week to help get his muscles back in working order again.

The Marsh is happy.

and that makes me happy.

We both know that this could very well be temporary. that things could get bad again fast. but for right now we're so grateful to take the rest of the summer and the fall with Bob feeling well and not so sick from the chemo. it's going to be a special time for The Marsh to have with his father. and precious time for my children to spend with their grandfather.

I am so grateful that he has been such a fighter and champ through this process. I'm grateful for this chance. and grateful for this time.

so yay! no more picc line.

I think the universe knows that my family needs just a little bit of a break.

please.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

We're Still Not Talking About It

Today I am grateful that I can see the floor in my kids classroom again.

Yes. I have a classroom in my house.

No. I don't plan to homeschool my children.

The Marsh and I just have a firm belief that the babes should have an educational space in the house. it's alot easier to concentrate on learning when there aren't 15,000 toys to distract them from it.

No. That wasn't an exaggeration.

Yes. My children really do have 15,000 toys.

I know. I have counted them repeatedly as i pick them up.

So why am I so grateful to see the floor again? well, if you hadn't noticed its sort of been summer. So most if not all classroom activity has sort of consisted of Miss G going in there and tearing shit apart. I'm seriously amazed at how much damage one little person can do. and since it's getting closer to fall I figured it was time to suck it up and get everything in shape for the coming school year, so it's all ready to go for Georgie.
.
.
.
.
.
.
because Brey is actually going to school this year, so Georgie is the one who will most likely be getting the most use out of it this year.

but we're not talking about it.

about how my baby boy is going to be going to school.

riding the god damn bus.

spending time away from me.

leaving me alone with arch nemesis numero uno.

in like two weeks.

NOPE.

In theory I am actually okay with all of this happening.

but for the next two weeks i am firmly placing it at the back of my mind.

I'm incapable of handling this information.

So even as it gets closer and I keep getting ready for school mode by cleaning up and trying to get the kids wrangled into bed at an earlier time,  i won't be discussing why i am carrying out those tasks.

because you know, we're not talking about it.

So tonight I am just grateful that the classroom is clean again. for absolutely no reason what so ever.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

#346 on my list of "I cannot believe I just said that."

Today I am grateful that my Grandmama is having surgery next week.

You can add that to the list of things I never thought I would say.

But it's true.

I mentioned a couple weeks past that I recently found out my Grandmama has endometrial cancer, and while there seems to be a lot of hope and reassurance that she is most likely in the very early stages, it hasn't made finding out any less scary. but with lots of luck, all she'll need is a hysterectomy and the doctor will manage to get all the cancer out of her.

and she wants all that shit out of her. like yesterday.

the only problem has been that we live in this horribly rural oncologistless part of the country and there is literally only one specialist in our state.

as you can imagine, dude gets kind of busy.

But after a few mix ups with the office dealing with her paper work and her bringing enough attention to the issue, she managed to get in for her consult today. which was pretty amazing because they initially told her she wouldn't even get her consult until mid september, let alone when her actual surgery would be. not good, people. not good. but the specialist's office being as awesome as they are managed to sqeak her in today, and then while she was at the office, the doctor had a change come up in his schedule for next friday and asked my grandmama if she would be interested in taking the appt. um YES?

I'm so grateful that she is getting the surgery done so quickly. I'm so grateful that the doctors seem to think that they've caught the cancer early enough that this surgery will be enough to cure her. and I'm so grateful that right now at this moment, losing my Grandmama isn't something that it seems I have to consider yet.

I know it doesn't seem fair that I still have my grandparents when so many people my age have already lost them. The Marsh never even knew his grandfathers. but call me selfish, thats one club that I'm not ready join. I hope I have her for as long as absolutely possible.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Ketchup.

Okay lets play a little game called weekend ketchup.

or catch up, rather.

Here goes.

I am grateful that My sister-in-law, Kristin, had an amazing birthday on Saturday. The Marsh and my siblings took her out dancing. It was sooo much fun.

She seemed to have alot of fun, something she doesn't really allow herself to do very often. So i'm grateful that we gave her the chance.

I'm also grateful for the following picture, because it's obviously amazing. and obviously proof that the night did indeed turn out to be great.



I'm also grateful because while we were out and about, My good friend Corey, whom I've blogged about before, was also out and about in the same part of town, and we managed to meet up for some drinks and dancing. something we both have previously wanted to do but somehow have never managed to make it happen.

Awesome.

Let's see what else happened?

OH YES. my car got towed. yup. while we were out dancing.

I'm extremely grateful that the whole process of finding out where the car actually was and getting it back only took about an hour. I'm grateful that my grumpy ass sober designated driver husband handled the whole situation with an eerie sense of calm. i'm grateful that he still hasn't started yelling. i haven't forgotten though. it was $95 to get the car out of the lot. and even though my bro was kind enough to give marsh some money, the next time The Marsh is feeling the money squeeze he'll mention it. I JUST KNOW THESE THINGS.

I'm grateful that my hangover on sunday was brief.

and that i only got sick once.

I'm grateful for anyone who continues to follow this blog after that TMI.

I'm grateful that today The Marsh and I managed to tag team some of the household chores. I got the lawn mowed and he descaled my coffee maker and washed some laundry.

I'm grateful that for the first time since the end of June I got to see my best friend, Kristy, who is finally back in Maine after her extended to trip to Europe. I'm also grateful for the adorable coffee mugs she brought back from London for me. One says "keep calm and eat cupcakes" the other says "keep calm and drink wine" they complete me.

She also got Miss G the CUTEST god damn hat ever. and little miss looks freaking adorable in it.

seriously.

She also got the breyman a tshirt from Spain that has the logo for one of the Barcelona soccer teams on it. Also adorable.

I think thats it for now.

I have some things that I'll be grateful for tomorrow (hopefully) but I think I wait until then to be grateful just in case.

I hope everyone else had a great weekend, and just as much to be grateful for.

Thanks for reading!
Lana



Kristin.

Today I am grateful for my sister-in-law Kristin.

She's a good kid.

I think I'll keep her :0)

And today is Kristin's Birthday! yay Kristin!

To celebrate this awesome occasion Kristin has agreed to let The Marsh and a couple of my sibling take her out tonight for a night of dancing and drinking. it is going to be fabulous.

I consider myself lucky every single day that I ended up with a sister-and-law that I love as much as her. She is literally one of my favorite people in the world. It may have taken a little while for us to warm up to each other. but all the best things in life take time, right?

anyway.

I'm going to keep this short and sweet cause we're going to be leaving in a minute.

But I just wanted to take a minute to appreciate what an awesome person Kristin is. and to say Happy Brthday.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Addiction.

Today I am grateful that I didn't have to kick my husband's ASS.

Don't tell him I said that.

but it's true.

You see, my computer has been having technical issues. again.

our new tablet is also having some technical issues. In The Marsh's quest to try and remedy both, he completed messed up our wi-fi on my computer.

and even though I knew realistically that he would probably be able to fix it, I seriously started to panic.

I'm sure I played it off very cool. I don't even think he noticed the tears in my eyes. I just kept praying to the big geek squad in the sky that i wasn't going to have to vulcan nerve pinch him for messing up my internet.

and the sad part about all of this? I'm not really kidding.

guys. I think I have I problem.

My Name is Lana and I am an internet addict.

to be fair, I am a stay at home mom. 85% of my life happens in this house. my computer is my access to the outside.

and I just kind of love it. my computer is like one of my children. he even has a name. Toshi.

are you weirded out yet? addict, remember?

Anyway.

Obviously since I am here writing this blog, we managed to get the internet back attached to my computer again. The Marsh just had to reset Toshi a little bit. no big deal. even if i manage to hyperventilate in the process.

So tonight I am extremely grateful that The Marsh didn't break my computer. and that he fixed whatever it was that he did do. I'm also going to take a moment to be grateful for the fact that I'm 24. which means nobody can tell me I can't have this horrible internet addiction. The best part of being an adult? nobody gets to tell me what to do!

I do what I want! (as said in the voice of Loki the God of Mischief) because you know, that obviously way proves how much of an adult I am, right?

right.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

$4.53

Today I am grateful for $4.53

really.

You see today I had to yet again pick up a prescription at the pharmacy.

and yes, I am perfectly fine, for the most part. nothing too crazy to worry about. and hopefully this newest medication will help.

anyway.

Going to the pharmacy generally sucks. I don't have any health insurance and I always feel like a trip to the pharmacy is the equivalent of playing drug company russian roulette. sometimes the prices are slightly terrifying.

but today when checking out the lady said "That will be $4.53" I actually had to repeat it back her to make sure i understood what she was saying. and because she said it as "four fifty-three" without any mention of dollars and cents, even my brother was like "as in four dollars and fifty-three cents!"

we were both pretty shocked.

which is, of course, sad that we were so pleasantly suprised to actually get medication for an affordable price sans insurance. but i was grateful for it today. between trying to get the breyman some school clothes, saving for disney, and the unexpected expense of having to go to the doctor's office yet again, i was especially glad to get some sort of a break at the pharmacy drive-thru.

Sometimes it's the little things that help make the day just a bit better.

$4.53 worth of little things.

also, I'm grateful that the medication i had to take concisted of just one pill and it wasn't even that big. here's hoping that it's one powerful little pill.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

NYC.

Today I am grateful for another safe flight.

My best friend, Kristy, who I have written about before, has FINALLY made her way back to the states.

She was in London for five weeks, and then spent the last 10 days in Spain. She is finishing up the last leg of her trip in New York City before coming up here to spent a couple weeks at her parent's camp before heading home to start grad school.

As of a couple hours ago, her flight successfully landed in NYC.

I will always be grateful for any flight that lands in one piece.

It's a crazy irrational fear. and I cannot help it. but i just go crazy with worry when friend's and family fly.

and Kristy flying across the FREAKING ATLANTIC OCEAN makes me crazy nervous.

So tonight I am extremely grateful that she made her way back states side without any hiccups. and she doesn't have any immediate plans to be flying any crazy long distances anytime soon. I'm grateful for this too. a girl's heart can only take so much stress.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

The Anti-Pool Party.

I hate water.

It's really not much of a secret that I hate water.

It gives me the heebie jeebies.

and you know, sharks live in it.

or Norman Bates stands outside of your shower while you're in it.

It's just pretty freaking horrible all around.

I think the funniest thing about my hatred of water, is that once upon a time, i almost drowned. How is that funny? because I never blame the fact that I hate water on my near death (can you feel the drama?) experience. people assume all the time that it's the reason i hate water. but seriously it's not. it's the sharks, i'm telling ya. and norman bates. and just the feeling of being wet. i hate it.

why the running hate commentary on water?

well tonight i am grateful that someone else this time didn't drown.

This little guy.

heart attack anyone?

My kids are super rambunctious. in all aspects of their life. swimming in their little swimming pool at my in-laws house isn't any different. tonight while they were playing, my daughter thought it might be a super great idea to jump on Brey, and the didn't realize that she was holding his head under the water.

The Marsh was on top of things and managed to get Brey up before things got too scary, and he was a little shaken up, coughed a bit, but not bothered enough to get out of the pool. and while this whole incident could definately have been scarier, i'm not going to temp fate or karma or whatever by NOT being grateful that he was okay tonight. I'm absolutely grateful with my whole being that he is okay. that this wasn't serious. and he just continued on playing like nothing happened.

I'm perfectly okay with him not realizing shit could have just gone seriously wrong.  but I obviously am aware....and cannot even begin to talk about what could have happened.

so please just know how grateful i am that this little dude is perfectly safe and healthy. I would say that he is also all tucked into bed safely and sleeping, but he's spending the night at my mother in law's, so he is probably still awake and eating junk food.

and tonight i don't even care.

Thank for reading!
Lana

Gazuntite.

Today I am grateful for a sneeze.

yup.

Thank goodness for one's ability to project snot and other such things out of one's nose with just one single bodily function.

Let me explain.

Having a three year old is challenging. everything in life is a game to them. they want to explore it. and own it. and see what everyone's reaction to it is. they are also just beginning to grasp the concept of one's self. and one's body. this is not the fun part of being a parent.

today in the midst of such exploration, my daughter decided she would like to see what happens when you shove something up your nose. by the intense horrible screaming and crying that followed, i hope that she has decided that it wasn't the brightest of ideas.

after hearing said screaming and crying I ran into the bathroom not knowing what in the heck i was going to discover. it sounded remarkably like "a bee got on my nose!" and i kept looking around asking her where the bee was thinking she has been stung. and then finally i worked out "a peanut got in my nose!"

also a fun fact about three year olds? they are still capable of thinking about their own welling being while in intense pain because when i asked her if she stuck a peanut in her nose, her response was "no, it just got there by itself!"

Lovely.

when I tilted her head back to examine inside her nose I almost had a heat attack. or threw up. pick one. The peanut was wedged up so far that i could just barely see it. I started to panic thinking i might end up having to take her to the emergency room. i grabbed the tweezers and tried to hold her as still as possible while trying to grab the peanut. the whole time i was completely terrified that i was going to end up shoving the thing even further into her nose. i'm telling you, parenting really needs a better manual. What to expect: The Toddler Years doesn't really seem to be working for me. Jesus.

anyway, after poking around inside of her nose for a few minutes, i did manage to do some good. no, i didn't ever get ahold of the peanut. but i did manage to tickle the inside of her nose. and then she got that screwed up look on her face. and then she proceeded to sneeze right in mine. I've never been so happy to be covered in baby snot in my life. along with the snot, came the peanut flying out at my face. I was so relieved.

afterward we had this big conversation about how it's not okay to stick things in her nose. and she was feeling decidely better, so she indulged me for about a half a second before running off and ignoring everything i was saying.

but man. i have never been so grateful for a sneeze in my life. now, after thinking about it all day, i realize now that the thing probably would have just gone down into her throat and she would have choked for like a half a second, either spitting it back up or swallowing it. and it would have been fine because it was just one little half of a peanut. but at the time the whole thing was happening, my brain just could not process that kind of information. i kept thinking the peanut was just going to end up inside her fucking head. and how i was the worst mom ever for letting it happen. and why does this always happen when The Marsh is working a double shift?

anyway. I'm glad the whole ordeal is just over. I'm glad the peanut came out. and i'm so glad that she sneezed and I didn't have to traumatize her by pulling  the peanut out with the tweezers.

so Bless You. or Gazuntite. whatever you want to say. just know I'm grateful.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Hernia.

Today I am choosing to be grateful in advance.

please body. do not protest the god awful strain i put on you today by helping my brother move THE HEAVIEST COUCH IN THE UNIVERSE up the steepest stairs EVER.

I have no particular need to find out what a hernia feels like. So i would be extremely grateful if you just let this one slide, okay?

seriously people.

This morning when I started talking to my brother about what he had left to move into his apartment, i had no idea what i was getting myself into. Note to self: when brother says he is going to be moving a couch into his second story apartment, DO NOT VOLUNTEER TO HELP.

man. I should be grateful that I am still alive.

and that my brother is too. that couch was seriously heavy. I mean, i'm not exactly She-Ra or anything, but I can lift some heavy stuff when I want to. I thought helping him out might suck a little bit, but man I seriously over estimated myself. I was physically incapable of taking a step up the stairs backwards while holding this couch, it was so heavy. My sister decided to help out too, her and i on one side, my brother on the other. I don't know how he didn't drop dead of a freaking heart attack. between the heat and the heavy lifting the three of us literally had sweat dripping off of us. and it wasn't as easy as just hauling it up in one go, it didn't fit exactly right so we had to try and angle it. and everytime it got stuck, sometimes we would have to switch sides so that my brother could fix it mid way up the stairs. which meant there were moments when either he was holding the couch alone while my sister and i had to run out the back door and all away around the house to get to the bottom of the stairs to help him...or he had to make the trip, leaving my sister and I to hold the couch while he was gone.

my back and arms are screaming as we speak. but hey, he's got a couch now right?

My best option is to hope at this point that my body loves me enough not to give me a hernia. i'm sure the pain tomorrow shall be torment enough. and hey if anyone else is out there listening please make sure my brother doesn't end up with one to, okay? I'd be grateful for that.

or at least wait until he's finished moving all his stuff in.

you know, so I don't have to help again.

:0)

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Pete and Repeat.

Today I am grateful for The Marsh.

and for my bedroom ceiling fan.

both of which i have been grateful for before. actually they are both things that i am grateful for everyday, but i've been grateful for both here on this blog before.

So why then am I posting about them again?

because last night when I crawled into bed at whatever time it was...11:30 or so, I had been laying there for about two minutes when I realized my fan wasn't spinning. even though I knew I turned it on.

So i calmly got out of bed and walked over to the switch and proceeded to turn it off and turn it back on again.

nothing happened.

now, I wouldn't exactly describe my reaction as "blind" rage because i could clearly fucking see the fan wasn't working. I was not impressed. So then i whined loud enough that The Marsh half woke up, pulled on the pulley string things a couple times and VOILA! the thing starts spinning.

So me being the awesome wife that i am, I told my husband thank you and let him know i was grateful for him and his ability to fix things for me. his response? "oh yea. i bet if i go read your blog right now it won't say how grateful you are that i fixed your fan or got the dishwasher to drain (long story)! and I was like "uhh no it won't, because i already wrote tonight's blog." and then he got all fake huffy and went to sleep.

SO TONIGHT! here i am being grateful for my husband who fixes things like my ceiling fan so that i am able to get some sleep at night. he's a rockstar. and i couldn't' imagine my life without him.

I'm also extremely grateful that my fan started again. because I really couldn't imagine my life without that either.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Early.

Today I am grateful for my Grandmama and how crazy she is about her health.

She is one of the most "aware" of herself people I have ever known and she certainly isn't shy about letting her doctors know whats up with her. She's kind of a "my way or the highway" type person. (You wonder where the rest of us get it from?) and she is absolutely take charge when she thinks there is a problem.

This came in handy a few weeks ago when she noticed something wasn't quite right. and instead of ignoring it like something people may be inclined to do (MOM) she immediately called her doctor and explained her situation.

An ultrasound and a biopsy later, I'm so grateful that she called them right away.

We got the news yesterday that she has endometrial cancer.

Maybe it was just the shock of finding out the test was positive or maybe it was hearing that my grandmother has cancer on top of handling my father-in-law's situation right now, but i didn't handle the news super great. lots of tears shed. BUT The Marsh has been dealing with everything with his dad for months now and it was my anniversary, so i attempted to pull myself together and get a grip. plus, my mom said that its seemed very likely that it was in the early stages.

I went out to visit her today, even though she didn't seem all that excited about company. i can understand, talking about it is thinking about it and I'm sure she's already driving herself crazy thinking about it. but i feel better after seeing her today and talking to her more. The doctor that she was seeing has referred her to a specialist and it may be a couple weeks before she can get in there, but he told her that the pathology lab the diagnosed that cancer believes that she only has Stage 1. They can't officially stage her, but still, it makes me feel better knowing that they believe her to be so early in the staging process. The cancer can basically be "cured" or removed completely rather by a radical hysterectomy if she is only in Stage 1. so mostly she just has to worry about recovery time. She's already post menopausal so it's not like she has to worry about the hysterectomy screwing with her hormones too much.

If it's progressed further than Stage 1...well, we're not really thinking about that. or I guess I'm going to say i'm not really thinking about that. She is pretty dead set right now that she is not having chemo or radiation. and i'm not going to argue with her about it. I prefer to just believe she only has stage 1, she is going to have a hysterectomy and that will be the end of it.

happy thoughts people. happy thoughts.

Anyway, i created this blog because i was trying to find the positive in everyday after my father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer. and having someone else i love diagnosed makes it hard sometimes to find something to be grateful for. something to be angry at, maybe. or to worry about. but it's hard to be thanful. I'm not walking around thanking the universe for bringing this horrible disease into my life yet again. but in the spirit of being positive I will say that I am so grateful they seem to have caught it early. and this whole thing will just seem like some crazy bad dream in a few months time.

and if it all works out exactly like that, I will be even more grateful indeed.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Five.

Today I am grateful for five years.

because that is the exact length of time today that The Marsh and I have been married.

Happy Anniversary to me.

and my husband splurged and got me pizza. he's a charmer, that one.

But in all seriousness, I am grateful that we've made it five years. I know compared to some people that doesn't seem like a long period of time, but hey, how many marriages do you see even make it past that first year nowadays.

I'm not going to stand here on my soapbox and say it was super easy. but i'm not going to try and tell you it was a struggle either. I would definately say we fall into that easier side of the marriage hardship spectrum.

I guess the best way to describe it is to say that loving The Marsh is easy, it's the rest of life that's hard.

unexpected pregnancies. stressful jobs. parenting in general. crappy apartments. buying a house and then having to deal with what being a home owner in new england actually means. sick family members. it all adds up. it can take a toll. and alot of people let it affect their marriages. or maybe they try really hard not to, but it happens anyway.

I think somewhere along the way The Marsh and I silently agreed to hold our marriage seperate from everything else thats going on in our life. It doesn't matter if we had a fabulous day and everything was peachy or if we had a horrible day and we just couldn't wait for it to be over. we always kiss each other goodnight, say we love each other, and tell each other how grateful we are to have each other. I'm dead serious. We literally say thank you to each other for being there almost everyday. and maybe it's cheesy or corny. but i've never once doubted that my husband loved me. I would rather be tacky romantics than be left in the dark wondering how my husband feels about me any more. Sometimes he initiates it, sometimes I do, but it just happens. I'm grateful for that too.

It seems so amazing to me that it's been five years. sometimes it feels like it went by in a blink of an eye. other times I remember that five years is essentially a fifth of my life and I cannot believe we've been together that long. either way i hope the next five years are just as amazing.

and the five years after that....

and the five years after that...

well, you get the point.

Thanks for reading!
Lana