Wednesday Night Fever.

yesterday i noticed Mr. Breyman was starting to get a little bit of a cough.

last night he came down with an all out fever.

by this morning, little dude was not in a good way. first thing this morning i managed to get some acetaminophen into him, tuck him into a makeshift bed on the couch and convinced him to drink some juice. this was not as easy as it sounds.

after that all i could do was wait. and hope that his fever would break with help from the medicine.

there is some nasty flu going around, and i've already read and heard some horror stories about younger children catching it. so i was terrified this morning that he wouldn't get better. and that his fever might get worse.

i'm grateful to say that about 45 minutes or so after he took the medicine, his fever broke. and i was so relieved. he stayed home from school with me and i kept him medicated, so other than the horrible cough, he was feeling better by mid day. the hardest part of the day actually proved to be trying to keep him in said makeshift bed. and trying not to laugh every time Brey had a coughing fit and his sister looked at him and said "that's so disgusting..." Its good to know that nothing really changes, even of one of them is sick. i guess i'm grateful for that too.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Step 1. Check.

Today I am grateful my sister, Emily, and I went and got our passport photos taken.

As I mentioned a few days ago, all of my sisters and I are heading to Aruba in May.

and every single one of us needs a passport.

well, my younger sisters went to Mexico with my parents a few years ago, so they need to get new passports (adult passports, cause they're adults YIKES). My older sister and I have both never needed a passport yet, so this will be our first time getting one.

and getting my passport feels like number one on this huge list of things i need to accomplish before this trip happens.

i guess realistically there really aren't that many things that need to happen, but when I vacation my wonderfully spontaneous, carefree nature suddenly turns into an obsessive compulsive bitch and i suddenly have like 15 different lists everywhere of every little detail of my life. it's a positive and negative thing all at once. and right now at the very top of every list is GET A PASSPORT.

i still need to fill out the application, get it printed out and take it to the post office to get this whole process rolling, but getting the picture taken at least gets that first step out of the way.

it wasn't a very big task to accomplish, but there isn't really anything that gives me a power trip quite like being able to dramatically cross something off my list. it's makes me happy. so i'm grateful for that too.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

The Prettiest Flower.

Today I am grateful for my beautiful Mama.

It's her birthday today.

Isn't she lovely?

yes.

yes she is.

she is also the most amazing mom anyone could ever ask for.

so amazing, in fact, that she'll forgive me for not writing a great big long blog post describing all of her infinite awesome because she knows that i feel like i'm dying right now. because of reasons.

but she is most definitely the prettiest flower in the garden of awesome. and i'm so grateful every single day that she's my mama.

Thanks for reading!

Lana

Inked.

Today i am grateful for growth.

and individuality.

getting married at 19 certainly isn't for everyone. and it certainly isn't easy. (although marriage isn't easy at any age) i will absolutely never think i was "too" young to get married. ever. but i certainly don't know how to function as an adult separate from my husband. hell, I've known The Marsh since i was 18, I've literally spent all of my adult life with him.

and i use to worry i might lose the chance to be me because of that. don't get me wrong, i've never had to be any one other than me with The Marsh. but I'm not 18 anymore. I'm different.  and its scary sometimes to be different from the person your spouse fell in love with. what if he falls out of love with me because of that?

The Marsh and I have a pretty rock solid marriage, so I don't tend to worry so much about him leaving me for changing a bit anymore. because for one, he's changed some too. and also because i think we've both realized that once you become a parent, you are never completely the same person again.

nowadays my worries usually run along the superficial. if my tastes in clothes changes up, i worry that The Marsh won't like what i wear. (not that it would stop me, but I prefer it when he thinks I look pretty) or i worry he might wish that he never agreed to that star trek marathon two years ago because now i won't shut up about Captain Kirk.

like i said small stuff, things that may or may not change again. no big deal.

but lately i've been feeling a little bit of anxiety again. because I've been thinking that i would like to get some tattoos.

yes. that's plural.

The Marsh has always knows that i planned on getting one other one, i currently already have one that i already had when we met, but I've never expressed much interest in multiple ones before, and he's not a big tattoo person. and i worried that he wouldn't like it.

now i hear all y'all single ladies out there saying "who cares? its your body not his!" well here's the thing about marriage.  everything is a compromise. and unless its incredibly important, you want to make your partner happy too. sometimes even before yourself.

the problem is sorting out the important stuff and the lame stuff. and getting some tattoos at some point qualifies as the kind of lame stuff. but its also something i know I'll regret someday if i don't do it. or at least give it the right amount of consideration. if i decide not to get anymore, i wanted it to be my decision. and no one elses.

so today i asked The Marsh if he would still love me if i had more tattoos. i know I'm dramatic. its a gift. and you know what he said? "well yea. as long you don't become one of those crazy people who starts tattooing their face."

I'm seriously grateful for that being his response. he could have absolutely said that he would prefer i didn't. he certainly didn't marry me with the intention of having a wife with tattoos. (of course that makes me sound like I'm planning on getting super inked out, which i'm not)

but he is okay with it. and i'm grateful. i'm grateful that even with our co-dependence and solid marriage unit, that we've still been able to retain our individual selves. so many people get so lost in a relationship they honestly have no idea who they are anymore. or they do know and they aren't able to be it. i'm grateful everyday that i am not one of those people.

and that i never will be.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Mr. and Mrs. Big Sister.

Today I am grateful for frogs.

What's that old saying? "You have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince." or something like that?

well, let's just say that my sister has kissed a A LOT a few frogs. well, to be fair i haven't actually really disliked any of her boyfriends (okay so there was one really horrific one but we don't really talk about him..), they just weren't...the one. and then a couple years ago my sister met Garrin.

and you could just tell right away that he was different.

first of all he met Theresa, my niece, for the first time at chuck e. cheese. he also happened to be meeting my children and i for the first time that day as well.

if you don't know this, chuck e. cheese is hell. it's where Dante and his friends hang out. it's where happiness goes to die.

but Garrin was a champ. he handled the whole thing beautifully, played with Theresa and my kids, was super calm and patient. for a man without his own children it was definitely impressive to watch. and i could tell by watching my sister watch him, if she wasn't already falling in love with him, she was after that.

and they've been together ever since.

the last two years haven't been easy for them. not because of their relationship, but because Garrin is in the Navy. so he's gone. like 95% of the time. I know that my sister misses him like crazy, but she knew exactly what she was getting into by dating a military guy, and i'm always impressed by her strength to stay sane when she doesn't see him for months.

last year at Christmas time I remember my sister starting to freak out a little bit. Garrin was acting strange. she was worried that maybe Garrin was changing his mind about her. maybe he wasn't quite sure that he could handle all of her crazy and her having a child. turns out he was just acting weird cause he was nervous about popping the question. I still remember my brother looking at his phone and saying "Is that a ring?" because my sister had texts us all pictures of her ring after he asked her. and i remember all of us freaking out and calling her to wish them all the best.

a little over a year later, Stephanie and Garrin were married today at my house in a very small ceremony that my brother officiated.

They still plan on having a big(ger) wedding at some point, my sister has a gorgeous wedding gown that she would like to get to wear, but for some logical and a few non-logical reasons, the two got hitched today so that they could be officially married.

and while it was a very small ceremony, it was still very beautiful and meaningful. and full of love. i'm always grateful for days full of love.

but most importantly i am so grateful for how happy my sister was. at 26 years old, today, she married someone that she loves unconditionally. and he loves her and her daughter just the same. i'm grateful that the three of them have this little family now. and even though there will be ups and downs, it will all be so worth it.

so here's a big congratulations to my big sister, Stephanie, and her new husband Garrin. I wish you every single happiness. and i'm glad that you don't have to kiss anymore frogs.

Thanks for reading!

Lana 

18 and Life.

Today I am grateful for my baby sister, Jasmine.

although she isn't quite so much of a baby anymore.

Today is her 18th birthday.

I just keep looking at her and thinking "How in the fuck did that happen?" 18?! really?! even The Marsh was having a hard time handling it. I think she had just finished the 6th grade when we met, so he's pretty much watched her grow up these last 6 and half years too. we're both having a hard time understanding where the time went. it went by just too fast, man.

this road for Jasmine, however, has been a very long one.

you see, my little sis has Aspergers Syndrome. if you don't know what that is, it's a form of autism. Luckily Miss Jazzy is on the low end of the spectrum. meaning that while she may be slightly awkward, she is still freaking smarter than all the rest of us. she likes algebra. if that's not weird than i don't know what is. but in all seriousness, it isn't easy having any type of autism. and kids are cruel. the kids Jasmine grew up with and went to school with were cruel. at one point the bullying got so bad when she was in middle school that my parents started looking into private schools just to get her away from them.

as a sister, and i'm sure as a parent, it was tough to see happening. i can't even begin to imagine how she managed to be the one living through it.

but somehow she did. they decided to give our high school a try for a year to see what happened and things turned out pretty well. she joined the Anime Club (of which she is now President as a senior) and found her own little niche of friends who enjoy doing the same things she does.

it was empowering to see her prove everyone wrong. not only did she go to public school all four years, she owned it in her own special way. she has amazing grades and has already received a few college acceptance letters. one school is offering her a scholarship of $20,000. per year.

I'm so grateful that she's grown up into this amazing young woman, despite being somewhat unique. sure she can be maddening and frustrating. but what little sister isn't? or older sister for that matter..or older brother....moving along.

I've hinted here on this blog that i've got a vacation lined up in a few months to leave the country. Well the plan is that my sisters (all of them) and I will be headed to Aruba for a week in May. We're going to celebrate jasmine graduating from high school.

I do have some reservations about going on this trip, solely because i know that i'll miss my kids and The Marsh like crazy, but i'm so grateful for this opportunity to travel with my baby sis and share in this special moment with her. Life is about to get crazy. she's going to graduate and go to college (or maybe the airforce). she's not going to just always be there at my mom's house anymore. she's going to be an adult, out there in the world living her life. She's seven years younger than me, my brain has trouble even beginning to process this kind of thing, but it's true. so i'm grateful for the fun and the memories that will be made.

and i'm grateful everyday to have such a funny, sweet, and amazing little sister.

Thanks for reading!
Lana

Lemon Meringue Miracle.

Today i am grateful the lemon meringue pie i made for my mother's upcoming birthday seems to have turned out okay.

i had alot of anxiety about making this pie, people. something about out just looked scary.

in actuality, it was a much easier recipe than i realized and it all came together pretty easily. and i tell you what, the minute the water, cornstarch, and sugar formed a gelatin substance i was in awe. i couldn't believe how suddenly it happened. it was like freaking magic. science, people. its an amazing thing.

the meringue itself was the trickiest part. and to be  fair, i should have been paying better attention. my awesome new cook book recommended making the meringue by hand off you're a newbie like me so that you can get the feel of when the meringue stiffens up. me being a flipping idiot took the book's advice. then i preceded to rush adding the sugar, not realizing that this will cause the meringue to take longer to form.

seriously.

i think i got my workout in for the day. 15 minutes off hand mixing, a few amost tears and tagging out turns with The Marsh later, i finally gave up and threw it in my kitchen aid bowl with some additional sugar and called it good. i still don't feel like the meringue reached its potential consistency, but that was as good as it was going to get.

it cooked up pretty enough and i am so grateful that the whole thing didn't turn into one big mess.

and I'll be grateful if it manages to taste as good as out looks.

Thanks for reading!
Lana