Inked.

Today i am grateful for growth.

and individuality.

getting married at 19 certainly isn't for everyone. and it certainly isn't easy. (although marriage isn't easy at any age) i will absolutely never think i was "too" young to get married. ever. but i certainly don't know how to function as an adult separate from my husband. hell, I've known The Marsh since i was 18, I've literally spent all of my adult life with him.

and i use to worry i might lose the chance to be me because of that. don't get me wrong, i've never had to be any one other than me with The Marsh. but I'm not 18 anymore. I'm different.  and its scary sometimes to be different from the person your spouse fell in love with. what if he falls out of love with me because of that?

The Marsh and I have a pretty rock solid marriage, so I don't tend to worry so much about him leaving me for changing a bit anymore. because for one, he's changed some too. and also because i think we've both realized that once you become a parent, you are never completely the same person again.

nowadays my worries usually run along the superficial. if my tastes in clothes changes up, i worry that The Marsh won't like what i wear. (not that it would stop me, but I prefer it when he thinks I look pretty) or i worry he might wish that he never agreed to that star trek marathon two years ago because now i won't shut up about Captain Kirk.

like i said small stuff, things that may or may not change again. no big deal.

but lately i've been feeling a little bit of anxiety again. because I've been thinking that i would like to get some tattoos.

yes. that's plural.

The Marsh has always knows that i planned on getting one other one, i currently already have one that i already had when we met, but I've never expressed much interest in multiple ones before, and he's not a big tattoo person. and i worried that he wouldn't like it.

now i hear all y'all single ladies out there saying "who cares? its your body not his!" well here's the thing about marriage.  everything is a compromise. and unless its incredibly important, you want to make your partner happy too. sometimes even before yourself.

the problem is sorting out the important stuff and the lame stuff. and getting some tattoos at some point qualifies as the kind of lame stuff. but its also something i know I'll regret someday if i don't do it. or at least give it the right amount of consideration. if i decide not to get anymore, i wanted it to be my decision. and no one elses.

so today i asked The Marsh if he would still love me if i had more tattoos. i know I'm dramatic. its a gift. and you know what he said? "well yea. as long you don't become one of those crazy people who starts tattooing their face."

I'm seriously grateful for that being his response. he could have absolutely said that he would prefer i didn't. he certainly didn't marry me with the intention of having a wife with tattoos. (of course that makes me sound like I'm planning on getting super inked out, which i'm not)

but he is okay with it. and i'm grateful. i'm grateful that even with our co-dependence and solid marriage unit, that we've still been able to retain our individual selves. so many people get so lost in a relationship they honestly have no idea who they are anymore. or they do know and they aren't able to be it. i'm grateful everyday that i am not one of those people.

and that i never will be.

Thanks for reading!
Lana